


The Town Crazy

by Kissa



Series: Looking In [2]
Category: Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, being good for each other, healing from past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 02:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14991266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa
Summary: It's not all doom and gloom, even if you're always veiled in shadows.





	The Town Crazy

When I was a small child, I witnessed an essential truth about people replicate itself around me in more or less overt forms.   
  
People always want to know what you do, how much you earn and, if you’re a woman, how many children you have, so they can judge how much respect to afford you.   
  
I don’t ever recall a day in my life when I did not feel threatened by the ugliness lurking in others, sometimes concealed, other times not. Of course, there were exceptions - aunts and friends who were not afraid to be true to themselves and faraway strangers who lived on their own terms. But the reality was always that loyalty came as a surprise, not as a default. 

The world taught me early on that I can either be a crazy bitch or be trampled by the others. It cost me so much along the way, yet it paid off.   
  
Now I’m an actress and it only took my entire mental energy all the time to be a big enough weirdo that people in the industry would go directly to respecting me. They don’t do that unless you manage to inspire a good mix of fear and awe from the get-go.

It’s so utterly difficult to be oneself when the Life Script is being pushed on you since birth: play with dolls if you’re a girl, with guns if you’re a boy; wear pink or blue; be straight; study hard, learn a job, go to work, get married, have kids, pay taxes, die.   
  
The moments when I could relax and just enjoy the beauty of the world, as much as it still endured, were few and far between. I had to look for them in unlikely places and store them in my mind, in my phone and on my laptop, to have a dose of beauty close when I need it.   
  
And that’s how I met Chris.   
  
We were on an airport, he was going to do a photoshoot and I was traveling to the same city to star in a short film.   
  
We just clicked. The good boy and the creepy bitch - both with a soft spot for small animals, frozen desserts and fat beats.

I thought I’d never see him after.   
  
He came to my my hotel room and we kissed. It was like in some movies, sparks flew between us and we melted into each other, frantically undressing each other as we kissed and fell into the soft sheets of the hotel.

I could have let him fuck me and be done with it - but he was too delicious to squander like that. Those clear blue eyes looked way too good gazing up at me.  
  
And he was more than eager to follow my lead. What a good, good boy.

In all honesty, I never felt as good with anyone as I did with him. He was just so fully there with me and so willing to give me this little shard of his life.   
  
Sex is usually supposed to end with an orgasm, at least that’s what’s generally understood. But this time around I just couldn’t. I usually come at the drop of a hat. And there was nothing wrong with me.   
  
It was my greed that stopped me. I stayed too long watching him lose control completely. I wanted to stretch this moment of togetherness into a thousand and by doing that, I missed my exit. I never wanted our time together to end.   
  
Instead of rolling over and snoring away, Chris noticed and wrapped me in his arms again, all trace of the fragile little puppy eager to please gone. He was just warm and there, wrapped like armour between me and the world.   
  
I let him see my slowly rolling down tears and told him, in a tiny soft voice, that for the first time in forever I didn’t feel alone and unseen.

Instead of laughing, like one would expect a man with so much to defend, he rested his forehead against mine and told me he felt the same. He rained little kisses on my skin, like little petals sending ripples over the surface of a lake that had been still for so long it had lost the notion of waves altogether.   
  
Since that morning in my hotel room, we always had an excuse to stick together, separated only by contractual obligations.

This whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing is new and a challenge for both of us, but we’re so much better together than apart. Chris knows it, I know it - we both feel it.   
  
“What are we going to do when they come for us?” He asked, meaning the outside world. The tabloids, the stans, the shit stirrers of the world.   
  
“I’ll deal with them. You know no one wants to mess with crazy.” I said. “Let them come.”   
  
I do feel invincible now. Where before I used to protect my wounded self like a dog who’s known nothing but pain in ages, now I had a treasure to guard. So I became a dragon.

No one could tell, looking in, watching me help Lisa pipe five hundred cannoli at her house while Chris is outside, playing with Dodger and his sister’s kids.


End file.
